How To Support Your Partner Through The Menopause (The Best Valentines Gift Ever!)

This Valentines Day, learn how to support your partner through the menopause. Sure, flowers and chocolates are great, but at this stage of life, there is no better Valentines Day gift than menopause support!

In this article, we’ll brush up on the basics, looking at the difference between perimenopause and menopause, explore the main reasons why your partner needs your help and discover 5 key ways you can support your partner through the menopause (and perimenopause).

So, happy Valentine’s day. Here’s to strengthening your relationship, building more trust and making your partner’s experience of menopause so much better.

Perimenopause vs menopause

Whether your partner has reached full-blown menopause or is perimenopausal, she needs your support.

That starts with understanding what she’s going through. So, let’s take a look at the difference between perimenopause and menopause.

Menopause is official when your partner has not had a period or any spotting for 12 months in a row. Even the slightest amount of spotting resets the clock.

Perimenopause, on the other hand, literally means “around menopause.”

Perimenopause is when your periods haven’t stopped yet but you do have menopause symptoms.

Whether your partner is menopausal or perimenopausal, the symptoms are similar and both can be an uncomfortable time for any woman.

It’s important to remember that there’s no “normal” when it comes to perimenopause or menopause. Every woman’s experience will be unique to her, from when her symptoms begin to the symptoms themselves and even the severity of her symptoms.

Why your partner needs your support

Menopause or perimenopause isn’t just your partner’s issue, despite it being her that is going through it.

If you and your partner have conceived a baby, think back to that. Even though it was her who was carrying, you were still involved and had to help out.

This is no different.

Menopause and perimenopause can be an extremely lonely experience for a woman. While it is getting better, there’s still a taboo surrounding this transitional phase, making it potentially challenging for your partner to open up about how she’s coping.

On top of this, menopause and perimenopause can bring physical symptoms like weight gain which can cause a huge dent in confidence.

Another reason your partner needs your support as she transitions through perimenopause and menopause is the extreme mood swings. Her hormonal changes can cause sudden rage, tears and panic. The worst thing you can do is blame her, and your understanding is pivotal – not only for her but for your relationship or marriage as a whole.

Symptoms your partner may be showing

Clearly, there’s no way for you to 100% know what your partner is going through as perimenopause and menopause only happens to women (typical!).

However, it’s important to be aware of the most common symptoms of menopause and perimenopause. These include:

• Hot flashes and night sweats
• Insomnia and poor sleep quality
• Mood swings and sudden rage
• Difficulty focusing
• Fatigue
• Loss of libido
• Vaginal dryness
• Weight gain
• Anxiety
• Changes to hair and skin
• Changes to the menstrual cycle

How to support your partner through the menopause

Fortunately, supporting your partner through the menopause and perimenopause is far simpler than many believe.

There are 5 simple things you can do to make your partner’s experience of menopause a little easier.

1. Show patience and understanding

Your partner may snap at you for breathing too loudly. She may be frustrated at loud chewing, or even read into something which causes anger. It’s important to remember that this is often down to the change in hormone levels.

Don’t underestimate how powerful hormones are, and when the balance is knocked off-kilter, it can cause essentially every menopause symptom going.

Make sure you don’t make light of these symptoms. Doing so can communicate to your partner that what she’s going through “isn’t a big deal.” Realistically, though, these hormonal changes spark physical, emotional and mental side effects that can feel like her body is being taken hostage.

Patience is key. These symptoms can start – and even be worse in severity – during perimenopause and last all the way into post-menopause.

2. Tune into her libido changes

Many women experience a dip in their sex drive in perimenopause and menopause. Published in the Menopause Journal, a study concluded that 30% of more than 24,000 women aged 50 to 74 had “no interest” in having sex and their sex life had reached a sharp halt.

It can be tricky for you – as her partner – to wrap your head around this drastic change in sex drive. Most of the time, this is down to the falling levels of oestrogen.

As your partner’s hormones change, the drop in oestrogen means there’s less blood supply to the vagina, which causes vaginal dryness. This dryness is uncomfortable on a daily basis – let alone during sex.

Let’s also not forget that other symptoms will have a huge impact on your partner’s sex drive. Many people – regardless of gender – would struggle with sex drive if they hadn’t slept properly in months, had put on weight for seemingly no reason and penetration being painful.

It’s important to note, though, that a lower libido is not always the case. Your partner’s sex drive could increase, too.

That’s why it’s so important to show understanding and communicate openly. Do not put pressure on your partner. Instead, ask her questions and make sure you communicate during sex, ensuring she is not uncomfortable or in pain.

Choose the best lube for vaginal dryness and menopause

Sex during menopause and perimenopause can be uncomfortable and, for some women, flat out painful.

That’s why you need to make sure you invest in a high quality lubricant.

Silicone-based lubricants last longer than their water-based counterparts and are also hypoallergenic, making them suitable for sensitive skin.

Alternatively, consider an oil-based lubricant. They, too, last longer than water-based lubes. Plus, they’re pretty good at providing relief for vaginal dryness. That said, they can be pretty messy and harder to clean up.

3. Don’t be afraid to ask her what she needs

When a partner is suffering, some people don’t know how to handle it, and so they become reserved. They worry that voicing their concern could cause a poor reaction.

It can be really difficult to know how to help your partner when they’re going through these changes and symptoms. That’s why it’s so important to ask her how you can help.

Every woman experiences menopause and perimenopause differently, and each will have different preferences in terms of how their partner can help.

Whether they ask you to run them a bath to help with aching joints or simply a safe space for her to vent, make sure you listen and take on board what she’s asked for.

Even the smallest acts of consideration and kindness can change your partner’s whole day, so make a point of showing compassion.

You know your partner better than anyone, so show her she’s loved and supported throughout this turbulent period of her life.

4. Support her nutritional needs by joining her diet

Nutrition is like magic when it comes to menopause and perimenopause. Making sure your partner is consuming the right types of ingredients to reduce her symptoms will allow her to feel supported physically and emotionally.

Weight gain is an extremely common menopause (and perimenopause) symptom due to the falling levels of oestrogen. This has an impact on the digestive process, causing bloating and a slower metabolism.

Dieting alone can feel daunting, especially when your partner is eating all the foods you’re missing. So, show solidarity by adjusting your diet, too.

Note, though, that as a Menopause Nutritionist myself, I don’t believe in compromising taste for nutritional value. If your partner has a sweet tooth, for example, you can still satisfy that craving with recipes like my chocolate avocado mousse.

Make sure you’re aware of the best foods for menopause so you can join in on a nutritional boost. Show support and have your own health improve, too. Win, win!

5. Be armed with strategies when menopause symptoms kick in

It can be overwhelming to have to deal with consistent symptoms, even while you’re trying to sleep. The constant frustration can lead to trying to take shortcuts to provide short-term relief, such as skipping meals or spending a day in bed.

As a partner, you can show your support by knowing and reminding her of methods to battle the symptoms. Take a read through my Menopause Help – The Ultimate Guide to Menopause article. This will shed light on the most common menopause symptoms and ways to reduce them.

How to support your partner through the menopause – in a nutshell

As with so many components of a relationship, communication truly is key. Menopause and perimenopause – while might be happening to your partner – gives you the opportunity to work together as a team.

Both these phases can cause emotional and physical distress. Make sure that, as a partner, you are there for her, supporting her throughout with open and gentle communication.

By being patient and understanding, tuned into her sexual changes, openly asking her what she needs, joining her in nutritional adjustments and being aware of strategies that help with her symptoms, you’ll be able to support your partner through the menopause, strengthening your relationship as you do so.